The Bunion Presents: A Correlation Between Brawl Stars and College Rejections
January 30, 2025 2025-11-17 1:37The Bunion Presents: A Correlation Between Brawl Stars and College Rejections
by: Emily Song
As my senior year continues to advance, college decisions for me and peers have already started to roll out. It’s been a mixture of joy, crash outs, tears, and wayyyyyy too much entitlement. Think you’re qualified? Yeah, you’re going up against some kid who managed to be an Olympic athlete with rich parents and a modeling contract with Louis Vuitton. What on Earth made you think you had a chance at joining DUMB (Duke University Marching Band)?
As for me, I’ve been going 2.5 for 3. I think that’s a passing grade on a test. (Igotdeferredfromoneschool,andIdontreallywannatalkaboutit,butIwillbecauseIhaveahealthyrelationshipwithmyego). I mean at least my options are Jimmy Carter’s (kinda) alma mater and where Georgia’s highest paid state employee works. Seems like pretty good options to me.
Amidst all the turmoil my peers have been feeling, I wondered to myself if there’s an answer to why they got rejected. Could it have been poor grades? Lack of genuine extracurriculars? Horrible essays? (maybe). Blackmail? (I mean, I kept my mouth shut, so it wouldn’t be that).
Nay. The real true enemy was Brawl Stars.
After a very thorough investigation where I talked to many people who were rejected from the schools they applied early to, I realized that all the people had a horrifying addiction to Brawl Stars. Yep. As I was asking them and consoling them about their rejection, their fingers were jamming away at their phone screens playing Brawl Stars. HOW IRONIC. As far as I’m concerned, the correlation between Brawl Stars and a college rejection is 100%. (The ones that got deferred were only addicted to Block Blast). Igotdeferredbecauseanaccidenthappenedwithmyapplication,notbecauseIhaveanaddictiontoasillygame.TheonlyaddictionIhaveistonotdrinkingwaterasmuchasIshould).
Now, what does this mean for the future decisions? Idk. But every time I get slightly annoyed at someone who didn’t get into a college that I got into, I can be vv mean and say, “Oh yeah, how’s that [insert college name] acceptance going for ya? Geez, you really think you know everything.” Sadly, this only works if it’s a college that I got into, and they didn’t which only applies to 2 schools right now. If it’s the other way around, I’d get humbled real quick and never talk to the person who said that to me which is probably why I haven’t said such a thing yet. It’s also a mean thing to do. Yeah, I may be a grumbly person who constantly complains, but I can read a room. I know how to not be mean.
